Random thoughts on random thoughts

In a little more than half an hour, it will be my 21st birthday. If I stop to think about it, I feel practically ancient. I remember hankering to be 11. Where did the past ten years go?? Passed like a long freight train (loud when it's near, faint memory once it's out of sight). What a struggle it was to get through the last two years of school. Now, I'm facing the last year of college. Feel like clinging on to Today and refusing to let go. Who wants to willingly inherit Grown-up-land? Especially, being a girl, I sense huge, huge, hidden obstacles looming in the waters ahead. Sigh. Growing up is a pain. I really, really wish I could stay a kid. I'm not ready to be responsible...!  The people I grew up and played with, my brothers and sisters, my classmates, my friends- they're all growing up, hither-thither. Some of them are already husbands and wives, Mommies and Daddies. * Shudder * Not to sneer at the holy state of matrimony, or the heart-rending joy tha...

One of the things I used to hate about Malayalam novels is the entire bucket-loads of secrecy that they contained. It seemed always that every character was perpetuating yet another misunderstanding or miscommunication at every turn of the literary corner.. I used to think, "why on earth don't they just TALK it out and get themselves a happily-ever-after?!" Yet, as I grow older, I observe Mallu novels coming to life all around me. And even within me. There are indeed some sorrows you cannot share. There are some words which can never be uttered. There are some secrets that can never be revealed. And there are some scars that never will heal.

One question that has always flitted across my mind, ever since I was old enough to think for myself is, "what if I had been born someone else, in some other part of the world?" Sometimes when I read about another place, or see a picture showing something foreign to my land and my culture, I get a very strange feeling that I have known those things, those times, and those lifestyles once upon a time. Deja vu? Or plain lunacy? I don't know. But fact is, not too many years ago, most of us did not know the big, big world that awaited us "out there". But today, thanks to science, and man's imaginative creativity, that huge blue-and-green planet is almost as accessible as the neighbourhood store. Though this is not what I had intended to write, this is what has written itself.

"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky, I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change, And breakaway... Out of the darkness and into the sun, But I won't forget all the ones that I love, I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change, And breakaway... Buildings with a hundred floors Swinging around revolving doors Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but Gotta keep moving on, moving on Fly away, breakaway... " -Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway Some day I will. Flying away is not always permanent. The nest is always there, waiting for you.